Marauders, Welcome to a Muggle Mall
by Nintendo Queen
Summary: Read the title. Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail get lost and go to a muggle Mall. Hot Topic, Victoria's Secret, Food Court, a salon, ya name it. Will they get through or make wizards seem gay? If so, they won't friggin know


**Alright. THIS FIC IS DEDICATED TO DANIELLE. Plus, I was bored. Enjoy, fellow bored people.

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_**Marauders, Welcome to a Muggle Mall**_

"Prongs, where the bloody hell are we?" Remus, or Moony to the Marauders, asked.

"Hmm...I think we may have taken a wrong turn." James Potter adjusted his glasses and looked around. "Yup, wrong turn."

"Oy, leave it to 'ol Prongs to go around and get us lost." Sirius, otherwise called Padfoot, shook his head.

"W-where are we?" Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew asked timidly.

"Brace yourself, lads, but I think we are in a Muggles' Bazaar."

"What do they call those things?" Moony asked.

"I-I think they're called a 'mall.'" Padfoot blinked.

"Mall? Weird..." The other three Marauders nodded their agreement.

"And there's no Lily here for me to flirt with..." Prongs muttered sadly. Padfoot punched him in the head, but not too hard.

"Head in the game, Prongs. You were daydreaming about Miss Lily at Quidditch practice yesterday and took a bludger to the ear. I take it you were thinking about her again and wound up getting us lost."

"...maybe." Padfoot slapped his forehead.

"You're hopeless, man."

"Should we try to get out of here?" Moony asked.

"No, no maybe not. I mean, think about it. How many times do we get to go in the Muggle World?" Prongs asked.

"You're forgetting we don't have their money."

"C'mon, what kind of place does not take knuts, suckles, and galleons?" Prongs asked with a laugh. The other three wizards exchanged uncertain looks.

They walked around the mall, seeing many interesting looking shops.

"Oh, let's go there!" Prongs pointed. The other marauders looked in the direction he was pointing.

"'Victoria's Secret?'" Padfoot read. "What do you think they sell?" he asked.

"Probably some cool, secret things. Let's go look." The Marauders walked into the lingerie store. There were bins of bras and thongs on sale and the others were hanging up. Prongs dug around in the bin and pulled out a lacy pink bra.

"What's that?" Moony asked. Prongs shrugged and put it on his head and wore it almost like a bonnet.

"It is obviously a secret, muggle ministry hat."

"Ooh."

"W-what do you suppose this is?" Wormtail asked, holding up a pair of bright green thongs. James pursed his mouth in thought.

"Hmm..." He took the thongs and held em up. "Oh, isn't it obvious?" He put them on Wormtail's face. "It's a mask."

"Oh yeah!" Padfoot said.

"Totally!" Moony agreed. Wormtail examined the "mask" in a nearby mirror.

"I make it look good."

"More like the mask makes him look good. Maybe girls will finally ask him out!" Moony whispered, causing Prongs and Padfoot to roar with laughter.

"What?" Wormtail asked, confused.

"Never you mind."

"What about this?" Padfoot asked, holding up a see-through nightgown.

"Put it on, mate." Padfoot did so, and looked as ridiculous as Prongs with his "hat" and Wormtail with his "mask."

"I know what this is. It's a spy cloak. Is there no end to these muggle wonders?" he asked. The other shook their heads and clapped for him.

"Excellently worded." Padfoot bowed.

"Thank you, thank you." It was Moony's turn to pick something out. He looked through it all. The hats were not his color, the masks were not cool enough, and the cloaks just didn't look right.

Finally, he picked out a neon green G-string.

"Check it out. It's a amulet of honor." He put it around his neck. The other marauders nodded their approval.

"Let us buy our secret stuff." They walked for the cashier. A girl walked by and shot them a glare.

"Perverts!" she snapped before walking out of the store. They blinked.

"What's with her?" Moony asked.

"M-maybe all the muggles would get jealous and try to steal our secret stuff?" Wormtail asked. "Perhaps 'perverts' is a codename for us and a warning." Prongs nodded.

"Wormtail is absolutely right. Marauders, remove your secret items. We will hide them until we get to Hogwarts." They all took off their "Secret Items" and walked to the cashier. She blinked but rang it up.

"Twenty three forty four." James set down a galleon.

"Keep the change." they took the bags and walked out. The cashier blinked and looked at the galleon then shrugged and put it into the register.

The next stop was "KB Toys." The Marauders played with all the toy trucks, Barbie dolls, (scarring a few kids) and every demo game. They did not buy anything, but walked out making truck noises, earning numerous weirded out stares.

After observing a tattooed girl give five teens piercings and tattoos for a half hour, they moved on.

Prongs' stomach growled loudly.

"I'm hungry!" he whined.

"Look, 'Food Court.' Let's experiment with Muggle Food." They went to a random fast food shop and bought all of the basics: Hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, fries, and onion rings along with some soda.

"What is what?" Moony asked. Padfoot scratched his chin.

"I think that's a hot dog," he pointed to the hamburger, "that is onion rings," he pointed to the pizza, "those are pizza," he pointed to the fries, "those are hamburger," he pointed to the onion rings, "and that is fries," he pointed to the hot dog.

"Muggles sure do have strange n-names for food." Moony nodded.

"You said it, Wormtail."

"Hot dog? They eat dogs?" Prongs asked in disbelief. Padfoot took the assumed hot dog and bit into it.

"Actually, it's not bad." So, the marauders ate muggle food and we can assume that later they will have wicked indigestion. After the food, they were refueled and ready to continue seeing the wonders of the muggle mall.

"'Hot Topic?'" Prongs read.

"Looks cool." They went inside. There was black pants with chains, ripped jeans, short black leather skirts, anime shirts, goth make-up, fishnet stockings, leggings, low-cute shirts, vests, and band t-shirts.

Padfoot picked up a leather mini skirt with chains.

"I kinda like this. It's almost like a short robe."

"Yeah. Let's all get one." They all grabbed leather mini skirts then fishnet stockings. Then each picked out a shirt. Prongs took a low cut black tank top and leather vest. Moony chose a black halter top and matching trench coat. Padfoot snagged an Evanescence T-shirt. And Wormtail chose a yaoi anime tank top he found.

They paid for it all with seven sickles and went into the dressing room to try it on. Putting their original clothes in the bags, they tried on their confused sex clothes. And you wanna know how they looked? Unbelievably, absolutely, spectacularly, fabulously GAY!

They walked out into the store again and everyone froze up and stared. Jaws dropped from various goth and skater shoppers.

"Right on, dudes!" one guy finally said. A few guys applauded and they also picked out some skirts. Some of the girls fainted. One goth girl said,

"This is why I don't date guys, they're weird." The Marauders left and strutted proudly in the mall. People gasped and exclaimed.

Gay boys whistled. Straight people covered their eyes, ran/walked away, or gawked in shock. Would it surprise you if they experimented in a beauty salon?

Prongs got his hair spiked with blue tips. Moony dyed his hair silver and put in a little ponytail. Padfoot got his longer black hair into pigtails with purple streaks. A Wormtail got a Mohawk.

Ok, the marauders have now gone from gay appearance to downright scary appearance. All the while, they're convinced these are secret Muggle ministry styles. Some gay goths also strutted around in the same style, so they were not alone at least.

"JAMES!" a familiar voice screamed. They turned to see Lily. "Dear God, what the bloody hell are you four wearing?" she asked.

"Like it? They are the muggle ministry styles. And look at our Secret Items." They took out their lingerie and put it on as they has in Victoria's Secret. Lily's eyes twitched.

"That's...girl...underwear..."

"How would you know?" Prongs asked.

"I WEAR IT!" she yelled. "Now take that off before people see." They did so. "And those clothes. THOSE ARE GIRL CLOTHES." Prongs shrugged.

"Whatever you say." He pulled down his skirt and lily's hands flew to her eyes.

"JAMES! I meant go to the bathroom and change."They marauders shrugged and walked towards a door. Lily suddenly remembered something she forgot to warn em about. "WAIT, GO IN THE..." She was interrupted by girls screaming and the boys running out into the other bathroom, numerous bruises on their bodies. Lily groaned and slapped her forehead.


End file.
